Prom snd Emo Goodness Circa 2006

Well prom is quickly approaching. It'll be on June 8th from 7pm - 11pm. I hope to go in a hummer limo with at least 10 other friends of mine. I ordered my dress about 2 weeks ago, it should be in by May 28th or 29th. It's a black, strapless dress with a white rose pin on the waist. I may be replacing it with a red one. I'll also be getting streaks in my hair, the color will depend on what color flower I decide to get. The same goes for my nails, I'm trying to let those grow out even more before I get them done on June 6th. My hair will be done on June 7th. I really hope I'm allowed to go in the limo with my friends, it'll be like $200 to do everything we want, including a party at a hotel where tickets cost $50 each. At least it'll all be safe with a contract and everything.

John doesn't want to go for several stupid, and totally bogus reasons such as:

1. Wanting a cute date
2. Not wanting to go alone so as not to look like a loser
3. Claiming not to have any money even though he has a job

It's pretty ridiculous. I offered to go with him so he wouldn't be alone but if I'm not good looking enough for him then whatever. I'm not going to let his bad attitude ruin my night.

Moving on, I did some things that I admit, were pretty stupid. I'm generally fine with my appearance and accept that I'm a big girl but everything's changing. I've become sick and tired of everything, absolutely everything, ranging from my weight to how I look. To make a long story short, my self-conciousness has caught up with me and isn't letting go. I hate everything about myself and am sick of looking like this. I'm not proud to say this but I went so far as to cut myself the other night. Not on my wrists or anything, I'm not stupid enough to do things where people can see the results. I didn't do much, the sting was rather annoying but I did feel better. I hate seeing all these other skinny girls and not being able to look like them. I don't care what it takes, I'll be like that some day, even if I have to starve myself to do it.